It was long time ago and I was looking for my next job. I was pretty clear about what I wanted to do. I wanted to play more with technology. Bigger systems. More moving parts.And I wanted to experience something new, new culture, new environment. I got some pretty big dreams (at least from my perspective) and I wasn’t 100% sure that I could make it.
I got skills, that was not a problem. My challenge was that I wanted to work abroad. It was a stretch for me. I knew the language, but I was a typical introvert and this whole situation was out of my comfort zone. Plus I had to find a job as quickly as possible since my funds were tight. Thanks to my brother I didn’t have to pay any rent, I could use a couch in his kitchen.
It was awkward at times. My brother’s flatmate wasn’t really happy about the whole situation. Almost every morning he was showing his dissatisfaction by making his breakfast as noisy as possible.
I was determined to make it. Everyday I’ve spent endless hours looking for my ideal job.Sending my CV everywhere I could, talking to recruiters. scheduling interviews.
When first interviews came I was in heaven. I was on a roll…
But I’ve started to feel more and more pressure. After couple of weeks I still didn’t land anything. My brother’s flatmate was getting more obnoxious as well. The atmosphere in the flat was getting heavy.
The tipping point was close. I’ve started to second guess myself. “Am I really that good?” I felt like every failed interview was like a slap in my face.
To add insult to injury someone suggested that maybe I should take any job I could. Not the one I wanted. I felt even worse…I was angry.I felt like I was swimming against a tide. Almost no one believed in me and was starting to do the same to myself.
I believe that this was the crucial moment for me. I’ve started to ask myself “What do you really want?” Maybe the first time in my life I felt like it’s all up to me. If I choose my path and fail I would at least know that I was true to myself.
Choosing someone else’s path sometimes seem more secure. But it’s an illusion. They don’t know what you deep down know yourself. Your deepest aspirations. But you have to trust yourself first.Trust that you know what is best for you.
It’s a challenge to choose what you really want and fail. But is it really a failure? Maybe it’s just a stepping stone? A part of the process. You can’t blame anyone anymore. It’s your path.
The good news is that you’re in control. You will get there eventually. It is hard to describe the satisfaction that comes from landing THE JOB.
I needed couple more weeks to finally get there. I was proud. I felt fulfilled. It was all I wanted.If I had chosen differently, use someone else’s vision of my future to guide me, I would lost one of the most important thing that we all have: the feeling that I’m in control of my future.